Lost in the song... [entries|friends|calendar] sugary_smile Navigation: -X- Out of the room... -X- Will the razor hurt... -X- Want to move in? -X- An hourglass flipped... Layout Info: This layout features Kyo from Dir en grey. I adore this band and Kyo owns my heart. This is my first layout on here featuring him. All graphics created in Paint Shop Pro X by me. Don't steal my graphics or text and claim them as your own. It took precious hours to make these and I'd hate to find someone who claims they made them, when really I did. I know my work and can spot it anywhere, as can people who know me. Coding downloaded and tweaked from ljlayouts.org About Ms.Jelly: 20. Female. Music addict. Icon Junkie. Pro-Diru. Moody. Cat lover. Heinz 57. Short-tempered. Jrock Fan. Anime geek. Hentai minded. Fan of randomness. Obscene. Sometimes vulgar. Hobby writer. Graphic Whore. Novice guitarist. Imperfect. Quiet. Shy. Jrock/Indies bands I adore: 01. Dir en grey 02. Buck-tick 03. 12012 04. +D'espairs Ray+ 05. Merii/Merry 06. Sadie 07. KuRt 08. Vidoll 09. MUCC 10. Panic Channel 11. Rentrer en Soi 12. Gazette 13. Gilgamesh 14. Kagerou 15. The Candy Spooky Theatre 16. Choke Sleeper 17. Miyavi 18. SID 19. Antic Cafe 20. Blood [ userinfo | greatestjournal userinfo ] [ calendar | greatestjournal calendar ]

Like OMG I'm still here....XD [11 May 2006|10:03pm] [ mood | bored... ] [ music | Dir en grey- Akuro no oka ] Yeah...so I'm still here. This is kind of an outlet for my random shit that I don't put in my LJ. Go figure. Leave it to me to have a journal to force each one of my quirks upon. ^__^ Today was...not exciting. Tried to cut the grass but it was hard to do seeing as how it's been raining here for about the last two weeks, with barely any sunshine peeking through just long enough to make it depressing. That and I couldn't get the stupid fucking lawnmower started no matter what. I put it on the charger *didn't work*, fiddled around with the stupid thing, checked the oil because it's touchy when it comes to that and the fucker still didn't work. Meh...frustrating. I can usually fix about anything but HE was just being a pain. Ate Miso soup with some tea today. Didn't feel like eating anthing else but PT talked me into snagging a sliver of lemon chiffon cake, no fat no carbs. XD So life was not so grand today...there is no one to talk to so yup...boring. 2 Sets of Cut wrists: Color the room crimson...

...dun dun dun.... [08 May 2006|10:44pm] [ mood | ...blah ] [ music | Dir en grey- Audience Killer Loop ] Rae is...bored of this journal. Nothing happens, no one posts...basically pointless. It kind of disappointed me, I guess. With summer coming fewer and fewer people I know are online, so yup pointless. Time to move on. The sand is slipping. Color the room crimson...

?Questions that have randomly fluttered through my mind??? [06 May 2006|10:13pm] [ mood | thoughtful... ] [ music | Dir en grey- Saku ] -Am I Shallow? -Am I Heartless? -Am I Incapable of love? -Am I Selfish? -Am I a glutton for punishment, so bad that I seek it when I know I did nothing wrong? -Do I enjoy when people turn their backs on me? -Am I ashamed of what I see when I look in the mirror? -Why can't I cry? -Why doesn't it hurt and never cease to feel numb? -Do I crave the pain of suffering every moment with no one noticing? -Why can't I lash out at someone for something instead of lashing out at myself? -Why is there life? Beyond life there is nothing anyways, so why live? -The flowers bloom and the birds sing, why for them is there no pain? -Tears run clear and dry quickly yet blood is thick,sticky and red, the symbol for love. Does that mean the love is everything and tears shouldn't matter? If so, then how come we cry when someone we love hurts us? -Why does everyone look for the meaning of life instead of just trying to live the best they can? -Are we as human beings nothing more than a pawn, awaiting the time in this game of chess when will get trampled by a rook? Watching high school students being released from school made me realize why I hated it so much. They run out like tiny ants on a scavenger hunt never knowing that life is more than parties and fun until they hit the real world where they get knocked down out of their clouds. They fall from those heavenly thoughts into reality where there is pain and disappointment in every turn. They never see life how it is or what it could be. There should be dreams of great success but expectations of hurdles even more so. Maggots do not dream big, they live only for today's feast and the idea of surviving one more measly day. Done...whether I am the dreamer or the maggot. -shrugs- Who knows. Color the room crimson...

[06 May 2006|10:39am] [ mood | bleh...nothing ] [ music | Dir en grey- undecided ] Where has everyone gone? o.O Did they fall off the face of the earth? XD I looked at Dir en grey's official site. They updated it and it's really nice. In the bio it says that Kyo doesn't read his fanmail. Creepy seeing as I had a dream a while back about this. ...Nevermind that, I'm not going into details. No one really needs to read them anyways and I'm done sharing stuff like that. I'm still here and breathing, even if that thought doesn't inspire much happiness. Some of my family members think I should get some therapy, because maybe it just might help overcome my so-called problems. XD Ha. What do they know. I'm fine with everything, really I am. Once again I've bottled my feelings and I'm not too worried about my blowing up in someone's face because I hardly interact with anyone anymore. MSN is boring, seeing as like no one has been on. LJ is the same. Here...well here, there is not a single person that posts, so yeah... Bleh...whatever I'm done. 2 Sets of Cut wrists: Color the room crimson...

gnkkkkkkkkngjsddlg....... [02 May 2006|09:50pm] [ mood | my head... ] [ music | Nancy Sinatra- Bang Bang ] My fucking head hurts. Exasperation is over-rated. Anyone who's ever lived through seeing death face on deserves my fucking respect. Bang bang...you're dead. Color the room crimson...

dafblkhfioahf....<< wtf happened? [01 May 2006|08:59pm] [ mood | corner boob... ] [ music | Dir en grey- Hydra ] o.O I really need to work on my communication skills. I have none, zip, zero. XD I can't say I like talking to people unless they interest me in some way. So I shall be a boob and sit in the corner by myself until someone who catches my eye wanders here. I'm not easily pulled away from my headphones. Color the room crimson...

Meh....a cheesy ass joke for you all. [01 May 2006|08:17pm] [ mood | Filth Hi....S-teki ] [ music | Dir en grey- Filth ] 2 muffins are sitting in an oven. One looks over to the other one and says "gee it's hot in here" The other one looks back at it and says "oh look a talking muffin" -silence- *Oh look a talking muffin* pokes random fuckers. I despise my blond hair...enough said. Pictures are ugly reflections of ourselves...enough said about that. *Beast* likes weird things...like girls. o.O Meh anywho. Color the room crimson...

...excuse my drama. [29 Apr 2006|11:49am] XD...pardon the drama queen behavior lately. Helping retard out with prom is making me crazy. Heh, I hope she trips while walking the Grand march. Pt and I would laugh so hard. Well, anywho. Later. Color the room crimson...

Some random shit....because I just need it... [26 Apr 2006|11:06pm] [ mood | paper bag...to hide inside ] [ music | Dir en grey- Filth ] I have this need to rip my soul into shreds and lay it out before you, just to prove how disgusting it is. You'd hate it, it'd drive you away with the stains and misery. It's a love/hate relationship. I hate to want this love, and yet I'm held awestruck in paralyzing helplessness at the beauty I find in you. I look past the exterior and end up seeing things no one else sees. I know how fragile these scars can be, I bare some of them myself. I know how tempting it is to want to draw inside so nobody can get close to you. You start to feel as if no one could possibly heal your pain, or even know what it's like to hurt this bad. The ugliness is an illusion that only ourselves see. We view the repulsive figurines when there really isn't any. There are times when I know my stitches are weak and I rub them to tear open the skin, just so I can be numb again. These bruises, scrapes, cuts and scars are all badges of our past that we wear. Even if it's only us that sees them, they will always be there. Behind the forced laugh, sugary smile and a mask we both know the tears never show what our being doesn't want to share. I'm running slow on a green sand dial, the grains falling won't stop the pain. When the sand runs out, my anguish will still remain. This wavering smile hides bloody tears and a hope that falters. Clumsy legs stumbling on the cement blocks in my way. I'm sadomasochism at it's best. Color the room crimson...

[26 Apr 2006|10:12am] [ mood | stop poking my eye... ] [ music | TCST- Trick or Treat ] Bleh...I need to shake this feeling I get. It only shows up once in a while but it's annoying and I don't want to be so weak that I give into it. Most people would take it to mean that I'm suicidal, I'm not...really, I just get uncomfortable when I start caring too much. Those poor people that read my LJ as well are probably going to kick themselves at my posting this here. Too bad for them. There's a time for everything in my life, seeing how time seems to go so slow, and I despise these little pings of emotion that somehow try to tell me that I might become (>.>)' joyful. Meh...what the fuck would they know. My emotions are guided by a weak confused organ, that trys to feel while I hit it and tell it to shut up. I like to be logical and yet when in doubt I fall back on the despair and pain that I enjoy. If I see reason in something, I give it a try. If there's no reason, no point then why bother. Simplicity of the mind is only over-ruled by ignorance of life. One can be stupid and know more about living than a person who thinks they live but fall exceedingly short. Make sense? If not, oh well. I tend to ramble on and seeing how this is my journal, if you can't take my ramblings then don't read them. Okay so I think I'm done ranting for today. Maybe a little more later on though. XD Color the room crimson...

Sense-less fucking post. [24 Apr 2006|10:10pm] [ mood | .... ] [ music | Dir en grey- Zakuro ] dsafnkljsa....exactly. That's how I feel right now. If you read this and think to tell me everything's okay. Fuck off because I'm not interested in what you have to say. You can't fix me, I'm broke past repair. This pain and anger, it feels awesome. I don't want to laugh or remember the happy days. You can't see past my bitterness anyways. I don't want pity, I want your anger. I want to feel the slaps, see the bruises. Watch the scars tear open and bleed. Feed off this empty jealousy. Guts turning, the smoke rising. Vomit gags me. I'm blinded and can not see. slkdhnglihdf...Why the fuck do I write the best when I feel desolate? Color the room crimson...

[24 Apr 2006|05:22pm] [ mood | oi, brainstorming... ] [ music | Dir en grey- The Final ] So huns, how's everything? I should probably make my journal friends only now huh. XD I want to make some more layouts because well, I get bored easily and lately it's been gross outside so there's not really much to do. People give me some ideas. I like Jrock and Anime/manga, so all of the layouts I do feature them. I'm planning on doing a Naruto one and a Dir en grey one but more ideas would be welcome. =D Thankies. Color the room crimson...

Mwhahaha.... [22 Apr 2006|10:43am] [ mood | sweet... ] [ music | Dir en grey- Macabre ] So what do you think? Meh...Kyo love. It's a lot like my Lj layout except it has different pics and it's colored different. Woot. *New icons* XD Anywho. That's about it. Color the room crimson...

random blah... [21 Apr 2006|11:31pm] [ mood | my head hurts... ] [ music | Dir en grey- Deity ] So anywho. To anyone who reads this, I'm not sure who does, I'm updating my journal here. It's going to become friends only because I like to know who's posting in here and I happen to post some personal stuff sometimes. That and I'm up-ing my new layout. =D Grand... Hmmm what else is there to say? I want asian babies to spoil. XD Not my own, ack they'd be teased for their whole life because of my weirdness, but maybe someone else's kids. Yup, that'd be fun. They're so cute...like kitties. Okay...I'll shut up now. Later. Color the room crimson...

O.o blah... sfhaskfdbnjklabfs [17 Apr 2006|05:08pm] Okay that was my little spaz for today. Woot...Oi...I want to learn more Russian... More, more lanuages. XD. 44 Sets of Cut wrists: Color the room crimson...

Lover at last... [14 Apr 2006|07:52pm] [ mood | nothing really matters... ] [ music | Dir en grey- Zakuro ] Sewing my mouth closed, I'm sick of hearing my screams. Cutting my eyes out, I don't want to see my reflection the lack of beauty. Burn my hands until they're dead, no one wants to be touched by me. Leaving my ears, Kyo's voice is all I need. A lover of music. The End. Nothing more. My heart I'm giving it to the music. Let it rip it out, stomp on it, it's all worth it. Color the room crimson...

*Anyone seen my sanity?* [10 Apr 2006|05:45pm] [ mood | my bad... ] [ music | Dir en grey- Hydra ] I think it seriously just flew out the door. Oh fuck, blah.... I have to start posting in here more often. But anywho....I've said all that needed to be said. So later. Color the room crimson...

O.o [05 Apr 2006|12:08am] [ mood | so f*cking tired... ] [ music | Dir en grey- Jealous ] Weird... Color the room crimson...

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